This is good!! When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f *** ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an *******!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an *******!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to s ee if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *******!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW *******, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an *******!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two *******s to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called ******* #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an *******!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "*******, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow duplex, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******," and hung up.
Then I called ******* #2. He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, *******,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two *******s beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work
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"You're always a little disapointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself." ~Mel Brooks~
